Engaging a new platform....

Well...it's been 8 months since we've joined Shirat HaNefesh. I think I feel pretty good about being here. It's a special place. I initiated this text during Passover (though am posting it later). Partly, I'm reflecting now because our board has produced a poster that we could share with friends, telling them to join us. Further, I brought this blog to the attention of a friend, and recently he's asked me when I would update it...so this is further time. Overall, with respect to Shirat HaNefesh (SHN), I'm caused to reflect on whether I'd recommend this place or not...

Because we're small, at least, I'm pretty involved. I'm a memberof the Tikkun Olam committee, Education Committee (possibly just also became co-chair of that), and more recently, I'm an Avodah Committee member. Most recently, I volunteered to be on our Nominating Committee, to select replacement board members. I initiated this text during Passover, but we're really in the thick of this process now.l

Passover is always a special time otherwise. I enjoy preparing by considering what Hagaddah to use. I had been curious to see what Temple Shalom was scheduling for their community to recognize the holiday. This seems like a good place to note that in leaving Temple Shalom, we wrote to the principle folks in the administration there...the Rabbi, President, Treasurer, explaining what we were doing (leaving) and some of how we would like to do it...that is hoping the community would feel all right about not closing this door to us especially since Evan would continue to be invited to his friend's Bar Mitzvahs for a time. I offered, consistent with this, to continue to pay on the last year of our 5 year pledge to support the capital fund we had committed to 4 years earlier. And further, I offered also to pay an additional incremental amount to keep getting the monthly Shofar newsletter.

But when signing off that way, back then, Rabbi F was quick to both positively comment about my willingness to honor my commitment, and also share that creative thinking would have to be engaged by the Temple Treasurer to accomplish my request, since he knew of no system whereby a non-member could engage in this way, i.e., be billed monthly for payments to a building fund.

Apparently no such creative effort was mounted. The synagogue didn't need my money enough to figure out a way to capture it, nor did the Shofar arrive.

But, I could go to their web site. I saw nothing remarkable about Passover, however, I did see that -- during Sunday school, the previous week Rabbi F had offered a session dedicated to understanding the liturgy, and it included a discussion of Mindfullness in the heading. I wrote to Michael to ask him about his session, which would have just happened, and to inquire about what success he had with it. I did not hear back from him.

Let's continue forward. Today it is early May 5th. For Passover, I did select as a Haggadah the text created by the Velveteen Rabbi, and I was very pleased with it. We did our usual family Passover, first night at our house with Chinese food, but just us (that was a disappointment...we like to have the boys cousin and their Aunt/Betty's Sister over, but it wouldn't work out this year). The second night, we went to Bubby's.

Now, we're in the thick of this nominating process. Like with any organization, there are administrative details, and I'm not necessarily fun to engage with on such things in any organization, so why should it be any different here? This Wednesday, we'll meet as a committee for a 3rd time, and may pick our new members, in substance. Then, this Sunday, our Avodah Committee will meet for its 4th time, to discuss not only the hours of service, but also, to consider, and grapple with...what does it mean to make a minyan. At the end of this month, we will have our very first retreat.

We'll need to see how the summer looks. Our programming is such that it is easy to go to services. Saturday morning is when we have "Saturday" school for Adam, and that's when I go to services. Friday has always been hard to get to, and it continues to be...but we do commit to going to the 4th Friday night, because that's when we both have a Pot Luck, and also, when our family collects the food gathered, and brings it to Manna. Possibly...the summer will simply have other activities we'll engage in, and this will help make for our pattern of connection with our community. Some things may remain the same this way, as they had been with Temple Shalom.

At Temple Shalom, as documented earlier in this blog, I had struggled to find meaning in working with the text of the liturgy. This struggle continues. This connection is not profoundly different from now, than it was before.

What anyone might ask of themselves, I suppose, is how they find themselves engaged in their synagogue community. Well...they might ask themselves many things, of which this is one aspect. I do find that there is grist for the mill. Given the nature, and depth of connection that I had with the clergy, that included Gerry particularly, at Temple Shalom, it was too much of a wrenching without background for me for there to have been any easy landing pad to continue at the Temple, given the changes that happened in the summer of 08. As documented here, we did look at other alternatives last summer. Given a combination of things, including the selection of a siddur that features an attempt to "speak itself," and provide meaning, an opportunity to continue our relationship with clergy that we not only had a connection with, but who we thought represented a good example for our selves and our children, and further...given the continuity that this choice represented for our family, we did make this our home, and this place is further becoming for us.

For those who may be reading this, who have not had a chance to visit Shirat HaNefesh, and who may wish to do so...I hope you will feel welcome to do this. We do mostly meet at the school across from the Parkway Deli. At least...at this time. It is possible we will move, too, this summer, so stay tuned.

Atmospherically, practically, SHN is a special place. Hopefully...it will not be a Brigadoon. We do not have a building. It could be wistful this way. We are a bit like sukkot...surviving in temporary shelter. Presuming we have a long life, these years will be seen for what they are in our life cycle...tender and really precious years. The community is diverse....and consistent with this, self defined as pluralistic. Folks who davven with us are from reform and conservative backgrounds. The service is in fact pretty traditional, and for some, I do see this is a challenge.

We are evolving. And, with respect to this blog, for now, it remains about this spiritual Jewish Journey that I and my family are engaged with. We'll continue to see how it goes...

Collaboration, Empowerment, and an Invitation...

Today, we did let Temple Shalom know we were leaving.

I figured...we would be letting them know today, one way or another, since if we didn't show up for what would need to be Adam's Hebrew School, we would be letting them know anyway...and I did prefer for our communication about this to be articulated, rather than assumptive.

It took awhile. I did come up with a "conceptual piece," that said...I would like our view to be one of where we are like living in a big house, with lots of rooms, with doors that could be closed...but where we would not be motivated to close these doors. And, we hoped the Temple, neither, would feel the need to close the doors. This would particularly be true, inasmuch as Evan will be going to at least a couple of named Bar Mitzvahs, and we would need to negotiate that, anyway.

I was happy Betty agreed this approach was good. But...we did not agree on a closing for the letter we would send....where we gave sort of a "parting message." So...by way of collaboration...we simply left that part out. I think it worked.

On the way to figuring this letter out, I was reminded, in reviewing options for a meaningful closing with Betty, that "empowerment" was an important idea...that I and we both agreed was not a point that the Temple sought to make a target for its community...that we could address.

Actually...reflecting on the meeting of 13 months ago at the Temple...the meeting labeled the "vision" meeting...where I was apparently somewhat clueless as to the possible pragmatic intentions of the meeting...despite those people who were much more in tune with the reality of this meeting...people like Dan Spiro...who really nailed both the strategic purpose (Debbie Kopp knew this well too...and possibly 1/2 the congregation) and the appropriate intended message to send...despite the fact that I was clueless then...the message I did get up to say then is the message I would say again now. Seek to empower..."giving away Judaism," continue to support the expressed message of providing spirituality as a target of support for the congregation...and also...I think my 3rd point is that please somebody teach my older son the meaning of the liturgy. For G-d's sake...to this day, I had felt frustrated for my failure at my efforts to get the explicit cooperation of anyone at the Temple...whether the senior Rabbi, his assigned teacher who would ostensibly be responsible, in his 7th grade, where this was to be fully part of the curriculum, nor anyone really...to engage in even a modest discussion with me (let alone him) about this topic. Yes...I was frustrated. To stay would be like to say it was really Ok if I just continued to shoot myself in the head...they loved me there, they want my business. Nevermind that they will not cooperate with me in even talking with me...having a conversation about what a reasonable person could think was fundamental about their association with a place of worship.

Back to closing comments on empowerment...having the clergy be reminded that it is their responsibility...to remind the congregation that their Judaism is their responsibility....well...maybe this is a difficult thing to do...but it is an important one.

And, a final note...as a new, now, card carrying member of Shirat HaNefesh...I may even be able to use this space to offer an invitation to the reader who ventures here...to our High Holiday Services.

I have a link that seems to work, that should take you there. (Or just call me or whatever...if you want the detail). Heidi reminded me I could invite my friends. I could. I do that here. See the link, immediately below...which seems to do the job:

http://shirathanefesh.org/forms/HHDTicketRequestForm.pdf

Doing bad vs being bad...

Three thoughts today...

Our older son, Evan, has just celebrated his Bar Mitzvah this past weekend. We are so proud, he worked very hard, it showed, and he did really so well.

A) Relatedly...as we transitioned from elementary school grades for Evan two years ago, we transitioned, likewise to Middle School. In contemplating doing that, we also decided to physically move from Silver Spring to Bethesda...largely to optimize on the schools available to both children, and also, to take advantage of a GTLD program that would be uniquely available to him in this cluster we moved to.

In the process of moving...we never figured out how to tell friends what we were doing...and we...as long as we could...did want to leave our options open as well. We would first remodel the house...to make it more saleable...but also for our benefit. We would put the house on the market, declutter in the process...and if it didn't work out, we would stay. Along the way, while intending to move, while wanting to keep our options open, we did not have an easy time telling our local friends we planned to move on.

So...and especially as Evan worked to complete his Bar Mitzvah...even though we had been as public as we knew how...telling both the President of Temple Shalom, and on the heels of that, the rabbi, that indeed we were now "shopping," once we heard that they had not renewed the contract of Rabbi Serotta and Cantor Tasat...we have even not, among ourselves, decided for a certainly we would leave the Temple.

This morning, we have pretty much used these words, though. Betty has filled out forms. We are I think content to send in the forms. We've discussed it with our family. Even still...next week I will go to the Temple to pick up food from the Temple and deliver it to SOME. Who needs to be in a rush to say...and by the way...we are leaving. We are not in a rush to deliver this message. But it seems now we have decided to move on...and we think we will join the new Havurah, Shirat HaNefesh.

B) In responses to others in this blog, I found myself to use the word: "corrupt" I think it is worth looking at more closely. Using the Webster web dictionary, it brings forward:

"to change from good to bad in morals, manners, or actions; also :..... b: to degrade with unsound principles or moral values"

When reviewing the problems we experienced with Temple Shalom, we did, in connection with what I think bears on the represented meaning of "corrupt," review an important distinction. To my mind, it has something to do with what I think of as perhaps evangelical Christian mores...but I do think it helps better to understand the circumstances here...

C) I thought to explain to our boys Evan and Adam that the people at Temple Shalom were not bad, but their actions were. Notes written earlier in this blog do explicate this point. So...we would not blame the person...but instead, what they did.

People can change.

Unfortunately, as reviewed previously...although mistakes have been referenced by the Temple Administration, I do not think they apply to the same ones that I think did occur. So...longer term...we'll see what kind of learning really might have happened, if any did at all...that everyone can benefit from.

Final notes...we do not want to burn bridges. Who would? Fact is...Temple Shalom has done enormous good, and it continues to do this. For all we know...we may wish to be able to be a part of this institution in the future.

But...with the new school year just about to start, and with our needing to make a choice, and our being able to do so...we are voting with our feet. It seems we are doing that now.

The good and the bad...(writing backwards Part III)

To the clergy, and administration, they hopefully know this story...though they may not.

For the good...there would be no story, were it not for Temple Shalom. One would suppose, if we affiliated somewhere else, some other story would have emerged. But...we have our story. A decade at the synagogue. Which we selected after a good vetting of other alternatives. It was to us a place with a heart. Once. But...back to this thread...

While waiting for my children in the parent's lounge, I casually read about a book that was to be influential to me. It was about how the liturgy could be transformative. And...I because excited. Yes...I have a particular history...of having been interested in eastern traditions. So...for many this is true. But...what one would like to see is the Temple support...in active ways...individuals who would like to engage more deeply, and purposely, in our traditions of prayer.

But, first, I received little support from anyone I would approach. Someone who would read with me and confirm the applicability of this text I discovered (Rosenberg's Liturgy as a Spiritual System is the text).

Then...clergy offered a hope. Over the years, both our Rabbis (only one is left now), the past Director of Education...offered to host a "spiritual learning contract" for members...but this did not bear fruit. Later, Rabbi F offered at our High Holiday services to call each & every member to talk with them about spirituality. Did he begin? I got no call.

You could say these are good & bad. Good because the inspiration was there...the book could be found. But...made the worse for the lack of support and follow through.

And then, finally...when my older son enters 7th grade, where the liturgy is part of the curriculum...Evan would have a chance to learn the meaning behind the words.

But...my efforts to dialogue with the teacher of 7th grade were without any fruit. And...g-d's honest truth...I did identify one session only dedicated to this topic (mostly it was on the Holocaust...also important, of course) that Evan accidentally, but had to miss.

Any sense of possible partnering action that might have been...with respect to what had blossomed over the years into an appreciation for the value of the Jewish liturgy...seemed to go untended. Despite numerous efforts on my part for it to be otherwise.

Fortunately, discoveries happened over time. In addition to Rosenberg, it's become apparent that at the Reconstructionist community, their prayer book has extensive kavvanot built in. Likewise, in the new Shirat HaNafesh, arisen from the ashes of fired clergy of Temple shalom, their Eitz Ratzon prayerbook seems to do a marvelous job...even better than Mishkan T'fillah (which itself is pretty good) of discussing the meaning along with the words.



In the transition piece developed by the couple of women whose name escapes me right now...a year before this Temple decision process...they produced an extensive report on Temple decision making. Imbedded in it included text that said that for some...it may be that the style of practice in Reform is not on the money for them.

This may apply only more or less to me. Fact is...I'm probably a more than excellent candidate for contemporary Reform practice. But...there are aspects of application that have gone missing in the pattern of practice we at Temple Shalom have adopted over effectively many years that, to my evolving understanding, has been unfortunate and unnecessary.

I have told others that our decision about affiliation at the Temple, post Labor day, was not in place. And, this remains the case. But...I have been motivated to lay out the reasons I have for substantial prejudice concerning the Temple. In substance, this blog has been a testament to this.

Writing backwards...part II

Noted below, we capture events that bring us to now...which are the straws that break the camel's back.

Add to this two circumstantial things...both of which are substantive.

1) We moved 2 years ago. Maybe now it takes us as long as it use to, to get to the Temple. But...from where we are now, we simply have more choices than we used to.

2) Also, more trivially, relatively, some things manifested in this past year that have caused grief.

a) Although I had been not only active, but a co-chair for Religious Education in recent years, in this last year, this committee has gone from active to inactive to painful.

b) Yes, in this year our son will attain Bar Mitzvah. To the good...the administration we are part of did ask its members to consider, when their children would celebrate their coming of age, to consider including everyone in their class. But...this they did not do...very frequently...with our son. Who is at fault? Not the administration, in this case. Who to blame? I will say this. We had planned to invite everyone. But...with the pattern of having been excluded from so many, we did not hold to this. Yes, it was somewhat exacerbated by Evan's own lack of motivation to ask even many of his friends to come to his own Bar Mitzvah...but we would have been less supportive of this inclination if other families were more inclusive, I am sure.

3) This last point (above, about failing to get the clergy nor faculty to help me explore liturgy in substance) is really the more important. It does remain to be seen how this issue may be different in other places, but I know how it has been here at Temple Shalom.

Writing backwards...part I

It may be helpful to note what I've come to understand.

First...for now...this is a place where I have been moved to document the issues concerning our affiliation with Temple Shalom.

In the recent months where the clergy has been turned over, I'd considered this to be a substantive problem for three identified core reasons:

a) the change represents a total loss, i.e., the net after...from our point of view...is reduced from the "net" before. In particular...first...speaking personally...I had a long standing strong bond with Rabbi Serotta. Also, our boys, and particularly Evan, our older son, had a strong affinity for him, too. The decision, moreover, to remove Rabbi Serotta mostly seemed to be consistent with the idea that...since we're making a change of the furniture...let's just change the wall paper, too, and re-do the whole thing...maybe saving some money in the process.

b) Noted below...to me...there is a real question about the authority assumed having not been theirs to assume. Though I understand how this can be seen differently, I don't think many would say this process of change was done where the board had the imprimatur of authority that everyone would agree was theirs to have.

c) Maybe difficult to say, but maybe easiest in substance to understand...this decision of change was based on making a "thing" out of discontent. It objectified and made solid the inability for individuals to get along. Three letters were sent out from the board. In the first and third, both...a "lack of peace" was described that needed to be attended to, and also, it was described that efforts at mediation were brought forward, and without success. A recent conversation with a Temple member who I knew less than casually was somewhat revealing. Perhaps it was for him that the changes were made (or rather...allowed to be made). He was inclined to grant that if we knew what the board knew, and he understood we did not...then he presumed that the decision made would have been the one he would have made (and thus, cognitive dissonance is managed). But...in fact...the board was not so secretive. They DID ...this time...decide to reveal that it was because of the lack of harmony that they made the changes they did. In doing so...they validated that the animosity between our clergy was not only real, but actionable. And...although...maybe...this is the only outcome we could ask for in a real world...I do have operational questions, about what specific consequence oriented outcomes were out clergy given. Given the outcome...I would guess none. In the previously described example with Adas Israel, we could see, with their decision to remove both clergy who fought...one might have hoped that before that, they would have at least considered telling them that that outcome would be next, before "making it so." In this case, with what worked out to be a "victor," it is not clear what consequence assigned to who would have been purposive or effective.

But...bottom line on this last point...when we have the country of Israel warring among its neighbors...how can we expect any good result from that situation, when we do not require it of the people we employ ourselves.

Connections, and friendships, and the ties that bind

So, now we have friends in two communities. Could I look to resources like Linked In Dan Rozman has reminded me about for any overarching solution?

Our affiliation with Temple Shalom has been a combination of going to things we were required to go to (Religious school, and its tentacles), and the ocassional additional thing. But...now it has split, and I have friends at Shirat HaNefesh, that I would, as a matter of course, run into at Temple Shalom. But..I will not run into them now, there.

We like Cantor Lisa. Betty likes her, too.

But, because of what has happened at Temple Shalom, we have opened our eyes to our wider environment. Betty also likes Bethesda Jewish Congregation. And...I like the gestalt of Adat Shalom...though my family hasn't readily joined me in that. We like lots of things...and yet it is difficult to see right now how we will experience the ties that bind in a way that we would like. For right now, our allegiances are split.

The world has become different, regardless, and we will have friends that had been in one location, now at more than one.

You can't go back home. Looking for an environment where friends from different locales can meet up again may or may not be besides the point.